A friend sent me an email posing this question this was my reply.
"Hey Sam,
How is life in Clatskanie? I will be done with my program very soon. In fact, I will be graduating in 9 days! So, yeah, very soon. I am trying to figure out what to do with my life post-graduation and am feeling a bit overwhelmed, though I am very excited to be done. Do you have any ideas or gems of wisdom to offer? What is going on with you? I miss you and hope that you are well. i would love to hear from you when you get a chance.
"
Hm germs of wisdom. I think the main thing that I have found useful in answering the question of what to do with my life has been one of scope. I always used to think in my life in terms of oh my life out there the thing I will be doing. Like I want to help people so I need to go out there somewhere and find some people who need help. I know that I am really drawn to service of others. For me is was a revolution to realize that this is a question I can and need to ask every moment. I do need to look at how I can be of service in the long haul but not if means neglecting service that presents itself in every moment.
For example once I started asking myself "How can I be of service in this moment?" I found all sorts of things. I would do wash up at the monastery. I would see someone feeling down and talk to them. I would straighten shoes that were out of place. I would pile my dishes in a neat stack to help out the server. Opportunities to be of service present themselves all the time. As I have done this I have been able to see areas where I am more skilled at serving and where I am drawn. For example I know I am drawn to working with kids. So I look for any opportunity to help kids around me even in small ways. I also know I am drawn to talking to people who are not seen so I look for opportunities to do that.
By framing the question "What is the purpose of my life?" as a moment to moment question it stops being this huge thing out there that I'm supposed to figure out, but something I strive to embody in every moment. After that I have just put my faith in the belief that if I embody my life's purpose the universe will respond with opportunities to serve. Thus far that has certainly been the case for me.
My second realization is that having some spiritual component to my life is essential to this question of purpose. Meditation helps me discern what my heart longs for and what I grasp at because of boredom or ego. I have no doubt that the practice of prayer and worship in other traditions functions in a similar way. Being a part of a community that supports people highest aspirations allows me to look deeply at what is truly satisfying. It also offers many different examples of people to admire and mentor with. Seeing other people finding creative solutions to these questions gives me hope and inspiration to keep going on my path.
Also meditation practice has been instrumental in helping me see the habit patterns I have developed. For a long time I just wanted a job that was cool, but through zazen I've been able to see that I need to do something that runs deeper than passion. Passion for anything will come and go, but if I know it speaks to a deeper part of myself that's enough for me to keep going through the dry times. Through zazen I have discerned a life vow to be of deep and fundamental service to others. This doesn't answer the specific questions of how that will manifest, but I have faith that if I just keep aligning myself with that vow, I will be able to live a life of service.
I have doubted many things in my life but I don't doubt this vow because it came from a place so deep in me. A place beyond the facts of my life. It answers a silent question that my heart has asked for as long as I can remember.
Anyway I hope that is helpful in some sense. I'll be happy to talk to you about all of this at some time in the future if you would like. I do have one more thing to offer as a possibility. We have two free months here at the monastery every summer. July and August people can come and stay for free and participate in our training. I think that after all the work you've done it might be of benefit to take a break from all the hustle and bustle and really look deeply into these questions. If you have any interest I'll be happy to let you know what the process is. Being here has been a transformational experience for me. I used to never believe that I could change and now I see that change is possible and manifesting all the time. I don't have all the answers but I have some very good questions that I have no doubt will serve me well no matter what I do. No matter what you decide I hope that I can remain your friend and be helpful to you. May this message find you well, at ease, and happy.
Gassho and Namaste
Gentoku aka Sam
